I wish I knew in my 20s
I was in a rush to get married in my 20s because I had been programed my entire life that my purpose was to get married and have children. Many of you in larger metropolitian cities may think that this quaint way of thinking is gone and no longer a part of modern day society, but let me assure you the fairytale wedding and the myth of women’s only purpose being breeding still exists within and outside of the United States. Today, there is no reason to be in a rush to get married or have children. Women can have children in their 30s and 40s.
When you have children is such a personal decision to make, no one should be telling you when the right time is or isn’t. So if you are in your mid-twenties and want to start trying now to be a “young” mom, a pregnancy at 25 means a baby around age 26, by the time the child is 18, you will be 44 years old. Plenty of life left to go and do awesome stuff where you get to be your focus. Raising children is not for the faint of heart. Every parent gets hit with urine, feces, vomit, snot, curse words, hateful words, but there is also so much love and adorable moments. If you wait to have children at 30, say you get pregnant at 32, you will be 50 years old when that child becomes an adult. I also want to point out that for many parents, parental duties and obligations seem to be extending beyond age 18 now. Many parents stay committed and help their children all the way into the child’s mid-twenties. Many factors decide how much financial and emotional support children need and can even get from parents. Becoming a parent is the biggest and most defining decision of your life. If you are unsure at all WAIT.
If you wait on marriage and children, you can focus on your education, career, and/or travel. I did all three of those things in addition to getting married in my early twenties. There was so much jealousy though because I had married a spouse that did not want me to do better than they did in my education or career. Marrying the wrong person is stressful.
Investing in yourself either by taking classes to further your education and career is smart. Even if a class helps you figure out that is not a job/career you are interested in, the class was money well-spent. Travel is a great investment provided the bulk of the trip money is not on alcohol. Travel the world and learn about other cultures, their beliefs, their art, their food, and their politics. Learning how other countries and states within the United States do things helps you gain ideas and confidence. You are also usually healthy enough to handle traveling including jet lag. I have always wanted to go to Australia but at this point the travel by air alone would be hard and stressful on my 50 plus year old body. If only I had done that trip in my 20s or 30s, I would have had the stamina to pursue some dream activities. I feel fortunate I did Italy and other parts of Europe in my 20s when I could walk for miles and be ready to go the next day without an over-the-counter anti-inflammatory.
I also want to point out that college-bound students need to be careful about student loans and where you go to study. Some schools have better track records and reputations than others. Some career paths cost more to get into than a full-time job will ever pay and so you carry student debt around for decades. Again, one class or two classes can help you figure out if you really want to be an elementary education teacher, an engineer, a computer programmer, or an accountant. I met many people with four-year degrees later in life that came into my paralegal studies program looking to change careers and finally make enough money to start paying off student loans. There is freedom in being debt-free. (Keep that in mind when traveling too. Yes you can put things on credit cards but it comes back to bite you if you keep paying only the minimum.)
Bottom-line
Be careful with relationships and responsibilities in your 20s including marriage, children, loans and other long-term commitments. Take calculated risks that will help you find a happy career you can feel good about when you wake up in the morning. Education, however, you get it (traditional in college whether at a campus or online or by reading and traveling) will never go to waste.
