How do you build self-esteem?
As an instructor, I saw many students from 16 to 55 struggle with self-esteem issues. It is one of the reasons why I wrote What the Good Student Said https://amzn.to/3qpftM3. I wanted students to have a different set of expectations when they went to class. However, anyone at any age could suffer from self-esteem issues. I recently had a client who was 70 years old; she had terrible self-esteem problems because of beliefs she developed during childhood. Also, you may be confident in one area of your life like work but not as confident in another area like romantic relationships. So, how do you build self-esteem? Where does it come from and is it possible to reprogram faulty beliefs even if you are older?
First, where are you today? Do you worry about what others think and say about you? Are you happy with the outfit you have on? How do you feel about your body? If you were asked to name five things you like about yourself, could you do it? I am a huge fan of Lisa A. Romano’s books. In The Road Back to Me, https://amzn.to/3vRYl2A Lisa talks about how during childhood she was not encouraged to explore her own feelings, wants, and dreams. Many children, present company included, are told by parents to be and act like something we are not in order to please our parents. For example, in my childhood years from ages six to eighteen, I was forced to go to church. When I was living in Brooklyn, New York, it was particularly bad. During summer, my mother made me go to church every single day. We went to church at 7:30 a.m. to say the rosary, then stay for mass for an hour. On Thursday evenings, we would go back to church at night to meet with a group of ladies and say another rosary. On Saturdays, we went to confession. On Sundays, it was a church marathon. My mother did not care if I was sick. I had to go to church regardless if I had a cold or fever. It didn’t matter if I had stomach issues. What I wanted and how I felt was completely disregarded. For most of my life, I believed in an angry God who was waiting for one slip up to put you on the list of people going to hell. In fact, I was told at least twice by my mother, I was going to hell. If you grow up thinking you are intrinsically bad, you probably are going to carry that poisonous thought with you into adulthood. I started working on myself and my relationship with God last year with a renewed purpose after my marriage ended.
I encourage you to put aside 15 minutes a day. Take that time to put on some meditation music and journal about what you like and who you are. Are you on the path you want to be on? I’ll ask it again, are YOU on the path YOU want to be on? I went to law school for a variety of reasons but one of them is because of what someone else wanted. I moved to California because of what someone else wanted. Please do not waste time like I did and live the life someone else wants for you. This is YOUR life! You have to life your life the way you want to and will feel is right for you. Once you are clear about who you are and what you want, figure out what is eating up your time that you can cut out and start using that time for the goals and activities YOU want in your life. Are you watching five hours of television when really you want to start your own business? Are you playing on a fake farm or crushing candy for an hour before bed when you could be painting or practicing yoga? We all have our guilty pleasures, but if your entire life is working until you collapse and escaping on the weekend by playing video games, what legacy are you leaving behind? Or maybe you don’t want to get that deep. That’s okay. Are you happy? If you are happy with your life, then none of this matters. It is YOUR life and you get to do what YOU want with it. However, if you are not happy and you are suffering from low self-esteem, please look inside your heart and ask what is the path you want in this life. What actions can you take every day that will lead you to your goal or purpose in life?
My morning routine is pretty simple. I get up every day; thank God I have everything I have from my home to my car to my family and friends. I drink a glass or two of water. I stretch and meditate. I check in and make a list of five things I need to accomplish that day. I started small, but as my self-esteem grew the goals started getting bigger. I started a new business. I wrote a book. I’m writing another book. Those daily goals lead me to lifelong dreams. Am I happy? You bet I am. Is my self-esteem higher? Yes. My inner dialogue is different these days. Any people who were toxic and not supportive of my vision were plucked out of my life like weeds. I have become more selective of where I put my energy now. It is hard to have a clear vision and take those actions, if you have toxic people in your way pulling you down. Here are your steps to work on self-esteem:
Find some quiet time.
Assess where you are.
Consider who you are and what you enjoy.
Create an action list that works towards your goals.
Delete anything that is not you! This gives you time for the previous step.
Celebrate your accomplishments.
If you need any help getting started, check out my blue Getting Started button for coaching options. I would love to help you clarify who you are and how to reach your goals in life.
