Self-care to heal your heart
Today is world narcissistic abuse awareness day. I’m not going to focus on the signs or a definition. Let’s focus on the after you are out of the abuse and how to move forward. I am learning things for the first time that are non-issues for people who have not experienced abuse. For example, I finally recognize now when I am hot or cold, and that it is okay for me to ask someone (or give myself permission) to adjust the temperature so I am comfortable. I was so conditioned to not think about myself or my comfort that I forgot I can take care of my own needs and make requests so my needs are met. Other tips for people trying to heal after removing themselves from an abusive situation:
Try to meditate. Do you need to lie down to do a mediation? Nope. If you do not feel comfortable in that position, pick another position. Put on a meditation while you walk in nature. There are free things to try on YouTube and Insight Timer. I personally love https://youtu.be/ChIEHRIkunY from Lisa A. Romano. First, it is a quick one (only ten minutes). For those of you who do not want to zone out for an hour or an hour and a half, try this short one as a starting point. I have even used it during lunch for a quick boost. Start small and build from there if you enjoy it.
Think about who you are and what you believe in. Do you believe in God? A higher power? What brings you joy? Alan Downs, author of The Velvet Rage, has once stated that joy is the way that the God guides you to pursue things that are connected to your higher purpose. Know who you are! You may have lost that during the cycle of abuse.
Do the grooming basics. Some people are so depressed, they do not leave bed and shower. Get up, shower, brush your teeth, and put on clean clothing. If you are having anxiety or depression that is so severe you cannot groom yourself, please seek professional help.
Eat as healthy as you can. I’m not saying you need to be vegan or organic only. However, if all you eat is candy and soda, guess what happens to the natural chemicals your body produces? You are jacking up your sugar levels, and you will probably feel empty and craving something salty in less than an hour. Try to balance it out. Have an apple. Drink water. These two little things can help your body.
Engage your brain. One of the nice perks of technology is the number of free resources you can find on the internet. Look for free apps that teach you a language. Learn a new receipe. Find a puzzle or game app that engages your brain cells. Learning new things can boost your brain and self-esteem.
Notice if your body is tense and then massage it. We often hold our breathe and tighten our muscles. As you inhale and exhale deeply, use your hands, a tennis ball, or a hand-held machine to massage your muscles. If you have hands that are injured or stiff, stretch instead of massage. Look up some stretches online for your neck, back, and jaw. Many abuse survivors have poor posture. The tendency is to curl into a ball even when we sit to protect our heart and other valuable internal organs. If you catch yourself slumping, drop your shoulders away from your ears.
This is my list; however, you can search for self-care lists online. I once saw a list that had 100 items to try for self-care. Try to pick our a few items that you like and one you have never tried before to switch it up a little. When abuse survivors emerge and reach a place of safety, the survivors may feel residue of stress and anxiety. In the abuse cycle, we learn habits to survive. Now that we’ve survived, we need to learn new, productive habits that fit our new life and heal us.
