Dating a unicorn
In case you do not have Netflix, there is a show called The Unicorn about a widower with two daughters heading out into the online dating world. A unicorn in this context means someone amazing who is hard to catch or a rare find. As new meat on the online market, he’s termed a unicorn because he is employed, not a cheater who is jaded by divorce, and a great father. I’m currently on episode six and now realize I am a unicorn. I’m employed, I’m not jaded, I still look good, I don’t enjoy clothing shopping, I do not collect weird knick knacks, I cook, and I have no children. I also use real pictures for my profiles with no filter. In case you have not heard, I wrote a book featuring 25 terrible dates in Say Yes to Yourself https://tinyurl.com/4p7n5kwr available at lulu.com. I took a break from dating and recently decided to put myself out there again on two dating websites. Amazingly eHarmony in my zip code had only one match. A match who was on the other website anyway. The other site has resulted in a few dates and I have been enjoying meeting new people. So what changed from last year to this year?
I am not afraid to be alone anymore. I used to worry how am I going to take care of a house on my own, what if I do not make enough money, what if someone breaks into my home, what if there is a mouse in my attic. Slowly over this year I have become more handy around the house and my friends have been so awesome spotting me on the ladder, walking me through maintenance on appliances and my HVAC, offering to take me to the doctor when I am sick.
I have decided to have fun and be present on these dates. One of my core beliefs growing up was that I had to have a man. My parents told me I had to get married. I was incomplete without a man. Because of that belief, I was on the look out for a husband and chasing a future. I wasn’t present and I missed many warning signs trying to chase down “the one.”
These dates need to impress me. I made a list of what I am looking for and these men need to measure up. Any signs, language, actions that set off the alarm are listened to and not dismissed. Example, I went on a date with a guy who claimed to be newly divorced (2019). I ordered a hamburger and because it was greasy I used a knife and fork to eat it. This guy commented, “You know you can pick that up and eat it.” Little bell went off! Why does he feel like I need his permission on how I eat a burger? It was a small thing. Later, I realized I did not want to see this guy again. There was something off besides the weird telling me how to eat my burger. I picked up on a disconnect between what he was saying and acting. Turns out in the small town I live in someone knew him and after comparing stories we realized he was lying. Score one for trusting my gut instinct! Score two for not taking his behavior personally. Score three for going out and having a decent meal and not rushing to crown anyone “the one.” I was not impressed with this guy’s behavior and so I tossed him back out into the lake.
I believe there is someone out there for me and he will turn up when the time is right. Writing the book helped me process faulty beliefs about relationships and men. There are good men out there and they do not need to be unicorns. I do deserve more, more than any man has any given me before because now I realize my worth. This employed woman needs an employed man. This hopeful romantic is looking for a gentleman who is brave enough to be open to love. I do not need a rainbow horn in the center of my forehead or poop glittery rainbows. I do need a human being who will answer my questions honestly. Until that moment when my gut, heart, and brain line up and say, “This is someone I feel safe around and want to keep,” I am going to smile and walk through this life with an open heart and open eyes.
Watch out world. I’m back.
