Say Yes To Yourself
After a failed date not long ago I realized—you do not need to pair up. The idea of pairing up goes all the way back to the Bible and now Madison Avenue marketing executives play upon the theme to peddle everything from deodorant to water. After I was a single woman again, friends could not wait to set me up with men. I actually think it makes certain people more comfortable if I have someone I’m dating. Maybe they do not know what to talk to me about if there isn’t a man in my life. That’s a sad thought. Or maybe, they need confirmation that the choice they made to pair up is the correct one. That could be a great choice for them, especially some of my friends who love their partners deeply, profoundly; however, I do not think I’m at my best paired up.
I have a confession to make, I am a recovering co-dependent. The reason why I stayed in a bad marriage so long partly had to do with the vows I took, but it also had to do with the sick and abusive dynamic of the relationship. I’ve been accused of being too nice and giving too many chances, but I was also recently accused of being too picky. That hurts. When a friend says, “you are single because you are too picky.” I would rather have standards and demand someone that is intelligent, has a job, is respectful, and kind than date some little boy who still has his mommy come to his house and clean up after him. Yes, that is what is out there in the dating pool. What grown man uses his mom as his maid on a weekly basis?
I’m single and I’m fabulous. I am tired of a society that pushes dating, relationships, and pairing up. So many commercials play upon the fear of being single and that’s wrong. How many movies and books sell these romantic fantasies that some adult women still believe as gospel? I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. One guy recently was all handsy on a second date and I reminded him, we did not know each other last week. Cool those jets. So these are my new mottos:
You do not need to pair up.
Single and no need to mingle.
I get to be single, have fun with friends, make money, read books, travel, and do my hobbies. I get to sleep and hog the covers and not listen to some guy who snores so loud he wakes himself up. I am putting all my energy into myself, my work (which benefits my clients), and the adventures I want to have before I am too old to let my hair down. I also save money because I do not need to pay for gas to drive and meet the date, drinks (yes I buy my own drinks, I do not want to owe you s*it), food, dating apps, waxing, lipstick, and whatever event we are attending.
You go on a date or a fix up and there is awkward conversation. Most of these dates either don’t think deep thoughts or they are afraid to go deep. They also want to rush to sex. I’ve thought of possible reasons why that could be one includes that all of the blood is rushing to one place and their brains can’t function to hold a conversation. I will throw this out there though do not be that guy that tells me (the woman you just met and should be trying to make a good impression) about the squirter you had a fling with for a few months. Do not spend two hours talking about your ex-wife who caught you cheating. That’s not a ringing endorsement. I also do not find men attractive who feel the need to check their phone on a date. That’s a red flag. I am right in front of you. Unless you are waiting to hear if your child needs you, there is no reason to look at the phone.
That’s another thing that is annoying—guys using their children as an excuse, but when they want a little something something all of a sudden their children don’t matter. Little brain has completely taken over at that point what big brain does. When I notice someone talking out of both sides of his mouth, that’s a turn off. You cannot tell me “yeah, I don’t want to be in a relationship because my kids are still adjusting to the divorce” and then next week be saying “stay over, we’ll snuggle in bed, I’ll lock the door to my bedroom.” And how do you explain to them the female voice they hear through the walls or the purse on the kitchen counter? “Oh it’s fine. Don’t worry.” I’m actually not worried because I’m not ashamed of anything and am not being shady but apparently you are. Am I right? I’m right.
This Friday my plan is to hang out with friends and go to dinner. Some are married, some are single, and then there is me—quirky, picky, not going to settle me. We will have a great time and laugh. I will not need to worry about a guy I barely know kissing me and trying to move my hands down to his junk. Instead of saying “yes” to a date, say “yes” to yourself. If your married friends have paired up and are doing a couples only thing, and your single friends are on dates, do something fanastic with yourself. Put on some music, drink a great glass of wine, eat popcorn while you binge “The Crown” and then crown yourself the queen of fabulous.
