Accepting it all
There are many labels put on everything from products to people. We label foods good and bad. We label people lazy or reliable. We label ourselves often throughout the day with negative self-talk. What I’ve learned, in now my fourth year coaching people, is that if you do not actively take control of your thoughts and feelings you never really live. Many people tell me they do not have time to start a meditation practice. I’m telling everyone you are wasting time if you do not meditate. Why? Because when you set aside time to meditate, you have time to control those thoughts and feelings. You guide them instead of them pushing you around to live a life you don’t really want to live.
Examples? Okay, picture this scenario. You feel like crap, tired, bad mood and you reach for a cinnamon roll. You’ve been trying to eat healthy. After the cinnamon roll, you feel worse. Your self-talk sounds something like this, “Why did I eat that? I’m such a pig. I have no self-control. I know what I’m supposed to eat. Was I even hungry? I feel sick.” None of this self-talk is going to help you. In fact, I have heard over and over from so many people how this can set off a binge eating event. So what can you do? There were at least three points where you could have stopped and done a scan to see what you were thinking and feeling before the cinnamon roll got you.
A ten minute break after 50 minutes of work (however that is defined by you) will give you a chance to scan and ask “What am I feeling? What am I thinking? Some of you know I worked a high stress job as an attorney on child abuse cases. There were times I had control over my schedule and times I did not (I can’t tell the judge when to take a break). When I could in the office I would scan and check what was going on? Did my back hurt? Was I hungry or was I actually thirsty? When was the last time I went to the restroom? Am I angry or sad? Was I annoyed? Those planned breaks can prevent being derailed by the cinnamon roll.
There was a point where you realized you felt “like crap, tired, bad mood” before reaching for the cinnamon roll. In that moment pause and ask, “Why? What’s going on? How did I get here?” If you root around a little then you may realize you need to take a walk and get some water. Do a standing stretch and literally shake out your arms. Sometimes after typing a grueling complaint I was tense and upset. I was always surprised when parents chose drugs over their children. I needed breaks after completing a task like that to remind myself not everything is awful. Good people do exist in the world.
The moment the cinnamon roll was in your mouth. You can spit it out or finish what is in your mouth and throw it away. Ask yourself, “What am I doing? My goal is to eat healthy food that has nutrients. I don’t need this.” Your body may want something sweet and the cinnamon roll was the closest thing but if you grab for it and eat it like rabid raccoon then you have slipped into survivor mode. This is when you slip into bad habits and are in danger of going off the rails. You can still reel it back in. You may even need to cry or call a friend and vent. You could be upset. People are more aware now of emotional eating. It is actually something I am still working on.
Fina some support. There are wonderful therapists and support groups out there to help you deal with old trauma, survival habits, and “bad” emotions. Time will show you there are no “bad” emotions. All the emotions exist for a reason. I used to get angry and sad working on those cases because I had such empathy for those children. Those children didn’t deserve what the parents were allegedly doing. Anger is a way for you to realize you need to act on something. If you are angry, what can you do to fix a situation? Being sad is okay because not every day is 100% happy and energized. The sadness needs to be recognized and examined. If you deal with and validate your feelings, you become a stronger person. If you feel your feelings, act with intention and do things on purpose instead of habit, then YOU are in charge of YOUR life and actions. This will give you more confidence and make it easier to silence the negative talk.
I wish you happiness and healing. Remember, the role of a coach is to hold you accountable as you work on developing and executing a new way of life. Plus you can always change what your long-term goal is at any point in your journey.
