Prioritize Your Needs
This is not selfish. You need to take care of YOUR needs. First off they are yours so who better to be responsible for them. Second they are needs not flights of fancy. Right now my needs are having someplace warm and safe to live and sleep; rest to recooperate because of my health issues; the best food I can afford because eating clean and getting all your nutritional needs met is actually expensive in today’s economy. If you look at something like Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, you can see how well you are doing. I’m doing pretty good except for my health (it is a constant battle when you have an incurable disease doctors only attempt to manage). The clarity of my needs makes it easy for me to say “no” to people, places, things in my life that are not good for me.
Let’s run through YOUR needs. Where are you on these catagories?
food and water
shelter
sleep
clothing
health
family and friends
property
employment
intimacy and connection
confidence
achievement
respect of others
meaning and purpose
acceptance
morality
What do you have? What are you working on? What are you struggling with? This year started off with private clients in different levels of needs. Sometimes it is safety connected to work or family. Sometimes it is confidence and acceptance. That’s why these blogs are so general. Every person is at a different point on their journey. If you had asked me five years ago what I was working on, it was meaning and purpose. Those were my needs and why I went down this career path. However, today’s blog is your reminder that set backs will happen. This doesn’t mean you give up and pull the covers over your head and don’t leave the house. As humans, it is natural to feel sad, discouraged, depressed, anxious, afraid, overwhelmed and angry. All those emotions need to be dealt with so they don’t get trapped inside of us and pop out at the worst moment possible. They are emotions though and not facts. The emotions will pass. Your needs will not pass. Your needs are your needs. Never feel like you have to defend or make excuses for your needs. You have to take care of yourself.
When my health was really bad, I had to ask for help to take care of myself. That’s hard for someone like me who has so many accomplishments checked off. On paper, I look good and have it all. However, your health can turn around and go “crash and boom” and you are back to square one in bed. Being able to take care of myself again feels so good. Now are there emotional vampires out there who have no qualms asking for YOU to meet THEIR needs? Oh yeah. You hopefully know to watch out for those people and avoid them like the plague. Those are easy “no” answers. Your ex that wants $100 for food. NO. You take care of your needs. Your co-worker that always needs you to cover for them. NO, not if my needs are not taken care of and “Heck, no” if this is a constant request. Some people are magnets for drama and crisis and always need something from you. Say “no” and do not feel bad. Because I so rarely ask for help, my friends and family know okay this is important.
Take inventory today and throughout the day and ask “what are my needs? are they being met?” Some therapists recommend doing a body scan. Ask yourself are you warm, hungry, thirsty, are you afraid? Is there someone nearby that makes you uncomfortable? These are important questions. You could bury yourself in your phone and try to ignore your emotions and your needs. Warning: Hiding doesn’t work. If you need any help or have questions, comment below.
By the way, the social images I use are never an accident. The image is normally connected to the topic. Why did I pick a large boat pulling the small tinder-size boat or dinghy? You can be the dinghy or you can be the large boat. The sky looks dark and here is this poor tiny dinghy getting dragged along by the bigger boat. If you don’t take care of your needs, you are the dinghy. Some larger boat or personality like an emotional vampire has you trailing along after it. The dinghy is getting tossed and is barely secure (hope there are good knots on it). Don’t live small. Don’t be the dinghy. Don’t make your life and purpose being about someone else. YOU need to be the main character in your life and meet your needs.
