What does a divorce coach do?
When you go through a divorce it is a time of grief and transition. As your coach, I help you:
Process emotions. We identify your emotions and talk about the grieving process. We identify your support system such as friends, relatives, and/or an attorney. We also plan in advance, how to handle those tough emotions as they come up so you can move on.
Decipher where you are legally. You could be in a separation or divorce or considering reconciliation (that does happen). What are the paths to reaching the other end of your story. Everyone’s story is different and well-meaning family and friends may confuse you with stories and myths. We get down to hard facts.
Discuss anger and how to communicate with a spouse or children. Sometimes people say things in anger that cannot be undone. We talk about your triggers and options for reacting in anger.
Define loneliness and what is healthy isolation. In a divorce, you may have friends and family that side with your spouse and not you. This hurts! How do you handle loneliness, isolation, and betrayal. When is it healthy to be alone and reflect on your journey? Together we come up with definitions and a plan of action to grow your tribe but balance your alone-time.
Grieve what you lost or thought you lost. One of the hardest things to realize at the end of a marriage is that the person you thought you knew never existed. Sometimes emotional and physical affairs breach the trust of a marriage and have you question events in the past. How do you grieve effectively but then let go and move on? Staying stuck in the past and replaying the hurt will not help you.
Facing your fears. You may be worried about finances and custody. If you are a perfectionist, you could also get bogged down in trying to do everything “perfect” and in a way that maximizes your money. You may have concerns about custody and what interactions will be like with your former spouse surrounding any visitation or the holidays/birthdays. We discuss the need for action but also having grace in the process.
Brainstorm possible conflicts and obstacles. All of your relationships will be tested during the divorce. Aside from losing friends, your spouse may bad mouth you to your own family and children. Your spouse may lie in court papers. Or the divorce goes fine, however, every discussion after the divorce is final regarding custody and visitation turns into an argument. How do you have difficult conversations where you set boundaries and ask for what you want?
Do you want to forgive your spouse. What is forgiveness and what is the benefit to you? There are different methods to forgive when and if you are ready to let go.
Redefining the self and moving on. If you identity was wrapped up in a marriage for decades, you may need to evaluate who you are as a single person. What motivates you? What do you enjoy? Single life brings new hope.
