Fear and divorce
As an attorney and life coach, most people came in with questions showing tremendous fear around this major life change. People ask about the status change, how it will change taxes, businesses, custody, home ownership, inheritance and even debt. Can you imagine coming out of a divorce with nothing but debt? Sometimes self-destructive people go for one last party before they announce they want a divorce. It’s sad people think this way; however, there are some dark people out there who do not care about consequences ever.
Once a spouse tells me he/she no longer trusts the other spouse, we often discuss steps to take in order to protect assets before the divorce and any standing orders freezing assets take root. This is why a sneaky spouse may try to talk you out of filing and working things out. The sneaky spouse could be withdrawing money and moving assets while they are still legally allowed to do the transfers. If you have a checking or savings account in both your names, either one of you can take out almost all of that money. Legally only half of it is yours but a sneaky spouse might not care. A sneaky spouse and especially a narcissistic spouse will plan to have leverage in a divorce and besides how will you fight if you have no money?
These are expensive mistakes. However, people frozen by fear will sometimes not make ANY move because they want to try to make the perfect or best move. My advice, hire an attorney in your state who does mostly family law. Find a therapist to work through the emotional side of the divorce. Getting through a divorce is almost like training to get through a marathon. You need a team to support you. You will think about quitting, doubt your choices and strategy, pine over the past, and even wish things could go back to the way they were when you did not know any better. Keep going. You owe it to yourself to finish the marathon. You do not need to be first and win a marathon. You need to finish the marathon. You can do this.
During my divorce, this was the time I cashed in every favor and asked for help from anyone willing to be there for me during the transition. I am still grateful to everyone who got me out and helped me hide for a few days until I felt safe to go out in public again. And even though my narc-ex did find me, there was a limit to what he could do once the divorce was filed. I had a great attorney, a great therapist, and my support system of friends. We can smile now about those darker days. I can look back at the communications he sent trying to get me riled up enough to break the no-contact and see how strong I was.
Going through a divorce, it is hard and no one wants to do it. Unlike those marathons people willingly sign up for, divorce is a form of torture that strengthens you. If you get through this, you know you can survive anything. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
