Leaving the past behind
I wonder if when the Clash wrote “should I stay or should I go” they realized how profound a philosophical question that would be for so many. People often ask me in coaching sessions “should I stay” or “should I go” surrounding jobs, relationships, opportunities coming to them. I want to share a major change that probably seemed to many like a sudden decision but one that had been building over time. I “retired” from the practice of law and went into inactive status as an attorney in all four states where I was admitted to practice law. The decision that “this is finally it” came when I was in court one day on a custody dispute where I felt court could have been avoided if people’s egos did not get in the way. The judge in this case did not help things because he had his ego at play also and it blurred his vision. About three weeks earlier I had gotten an “emergency” call, from that call things snowballed and got worse until we reach the point where everyone is in court. I have a child who wants to tell the judge she is scared and feels violated but a judge that does not want to listen. I went home that day and felt so depressed because the system had failed this child. She was in distress. There is so much more to this story that is covered by privilege but the injustice of what happened coupled with the ego of others involved made me realize I did not want to be associated with the word “lawyer” any more.
Over the years, I really questioned the role of lawyers and what my profession did. I often said to clients, “this is awkward” or “I feel your pain.” Lawyers make money because people are in distress. People would come to me when they were afraid, angry, and depressed. Do you know how awful that feels to take money from someone when they are highly emotional and afraid? Let’s be honest, even when people are angry that emotion is based out of fear. You get angry because you are afraid of something happening to you like a person taking advantage of you. In divorce or custody, people are afraid of these major life changes and how are they going to survive. However, I need to pay bills, put food on the table also and need to charge for my time trying to solve this problem. Now, as an honest and ethical person, I would try to wrap up things and save my clients money. I have seen and worked with attorneys who do not want to wrap things up. They get hefty retainers and to justify keeping all of the money they stretch cases and disputes out (this prolongs the clients’ pain).
The other reason I could not set foot in court for one more case was I got tired of how court-appointed attorneys were treated. The system to get paid is somewhat complicated. I had several “complex cases” where client hours went over the set cap for the type of case. Let’s say for example, a child abuse case has a cap of $1000.00 to take it to trial. If you get assigned a very needy client, or the other side is trying to represent themselves, or you are the guardian ad litem representing the child, it is pretty easy to go beyond a $1000.00 cap. There is a way to ask for a little more. I asked and 50% of the time was turned down. Still had to represent that client to the best of my ability but now there are factory workers making more than me per hour. Some cases were awesome and the client was happy. Sometimes the client wouldn’t have been happy regardless of how everything went down. There were a few criminal cases where I negotiated great deals only to have clients go sideways later.
Practicing law is just that practice. You never perfect the craft. The rules are always changing. Attorneys do CLE, we pay privilege tax, and we pay bar fees. It is a rat race. I started as an attorney admitted in New York back in 1999. I’ve worked with smart attorneys, kind attorneys, deceptive attorneys, catty attorneys, and diligent attorneys. The people I refer others to have proven over the years to be reliable, competent, and zealous. I still meet people all the time looking to hire attorneys and I remind them to do their research. Look at the self-help available in your state, ask questions, do not run out and hire the first attorney who calls you back.
It was a tough decision to make but it was time to leave the past behind and move into a future I constructed where I can actively help others outside of the courtroom.
