No one will complete you
Few phrases annoy me as much as the “You complete me,” phrase. In this blog, I’m going to explore where this phrase comes up and why it reeks of co-dependency. Healthy relationships are about two complete people coming together to love and support each other.
The movie Jerry McGuire is where I first remember hearing this phrase. Jerry uses it to express his love to Dorothy. However, the idea of soulmates goes all the way back to Plato (yes one of those ancient Greek dudes). The theory was that Zeus split a whole powerful being into two halves and those two humans were destined to search for each other in life. Check out the Greek myth. All I hear is I’m not enough; I’m co-dependent; I need you to be a whole human being. Not cool. but many people use this line in proposals and wedding toasts.
What happens when a person makes their entire life about finding the “one” or their "soulmate”? That person is always searching outside of themselves. That person cannot stand to be alone and thinks that being alone is wrong. Since college, I’ve believed you need to be okay spending time alone before you try to settle down with someone. If you are good keeping yourself company and enjoy your alone time, then you will be choosier about who you give that up for and have more confidence when dating.
I enjoy exercising, painting, reading and several other solo activities. I’ve traveled alone even outside of the United States. There is such a liberating feeling when you do a solo vacation and set your own agenda. How often do you do a trip with a group of friends or family and trying to get everyone to leave for dinner is like herding grasshoppers? There is no need to compromise and do things you do not have an interest in to appease the group. Now is it fun to travel and explore with a group, of course! My best trips have been a nice balance of both alone time and together time.
Be a little careful of someone who wants to think of you as their solution, soulmate, fairytale ending, other half. I think of my man as an individual who compliments me as an individual. Instead of us completing each other, we compliment each other. We add to each other’s lives. Instead of thinking of a relationship as one half finding its other half, think about it as 1+1=2. Two wholes coming together to build a strong bond.
