Self-worth is priceless
Where do you find your self-worth? Do you wait for someone else to define your worth? Or do you know you are already inherently worthy? As we close out 2023, I wanted to repeat a lesson from the great singer Whitney Houston in The Greatest Love of All.
I’ve been transparent that I did not have the ideal childhood. Many of us had okay parents but in some area they may have fallen short. Part of a parent’s job is to instill in their children the idea that the child has value and worth. Many new parents talk to babies speaking in gibberish baby talk and say things like, “ Who is a good baby? Who is a pretty baby? Who is mommy’s special boy? Who is a smart girl?” And you know maybe I had that, maybe not from my mother but maybe someone else like a grandma, aunt, or cousin was around to impart those first ideas that I had worth to me as an infant. I do know this though. By school age, I was not getting positive messages from my primary caretaker. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, but she was a distracted mom who often did not pay attention to me. I remember being left alone or with others a lot at age 3 and up. Maybe you fall into this group, you had parents but not attentive parents. Your parents fed you, clothed you, but did not have kind words for you or make you feel wanted or included.
Let’s go back to Whitney singing, “show them all the beauty they possess inside.” If your parents do not show you attention or make you feel loved, where do you think children will seek out praise and attention? If parents do not raise a child helping her to see inherent worth, what happens to the child’s self-esteem? Well, this child ended up getting love and affirmation from everyone but my mother. I got positive attention from other relatives, people at church, my mother’s friends, teachers, anyone who would give me a kind word. I went out of my way to be helpful and agreeable so I would get some love. This is co-dependency at its earliest stages. I had to get someone, anyone outside of me to tell me I was worthy and good.
I can fast forward to today and confidently say I worked hard to remove these issues. It was not easy and while I may have cleaned up co-dependency and boundaries in one area of my life, it would still be messy in others. I think work was the last place that the need to please everyone else fell away. So in an effort to save you some therapy money and years of time pining for a kind word, let me in on this truth-you are worthy. Your worth does not come from fame, money, your significant other, your job, how athletic you are, or your education. You were born worthy. You are worthy simply because you exist. I still need to remind myself of that truth. Unlearning a childhood of lies takes time but it is worth it. Put in some work. Realize your worth. Start living your authentic life.
Happy Holidays.
